A Bit Too Bad
by CeasedExistence
Summary: He's not certain now, his conviction is wavering, but he waited just a bit too long, and she's just a bit too tired to catch the hesitation in his voice and really, it's just a bit too bad.


**A Bit Too Bad (An Inuyasha Oneshot)**

She had known it was coming. Not just from how distant he had been lately, even more so than usual. She had always known, really; how could she not? Right from the beginning, he had only seen her as what she had once been, a lifetime ago and more. She knew why he had stayed at first, because he needed the jewel- and to get the jewel, he needed her. Later, he had stayed because she reminded him of Kikyo, and he didn't _want_ to leave; or maybe he just couldn't bring himself to walk away from a second chance. Maybe he stayed because he couldn't bear to fail in protecting his love again. Maybe he stayed because he couldn't bear to let himself forget.

Maybe he stayed simply because he had nowhere else to go.

Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe she was going insane. Maybe she already was insane. Maybe this was all just a crazy dream- or a horrible, horrible nightmare. No matter what it was or wasn't, however, it didn't change the fact that she was here and he was here and they were both _here_ and it _seemed_ real, more real than she wanted it to be, never mind how distant she felt from it right now.

Self-pity, she reflected bitterly, _sucked_ beyond all belief. She had loved him, yes, and she still did; and maybe that was why this hurt her so much. She had thought that he loved her too, but she should have known better; Inuyasha didn't love her, he only loved how much she reminded him of Kikyo. He was completely, irrevocably, and unavoidably in love with a memory, and as good as she was, she was a fool to believe she could ever measure up.

He had been so happy, when his true love was 'resurrected'; never mind that she was technically a possessed clay _doll_, no personality, no emotions, no capacity to regret or to love. She was back, and she had half a soul, and she _remembered him_, remembered before, and it should have been enough. It was enough… for awhile.

It should have been the perfect setting. The moon was rising behind the God Tree, silvery light filtering through its branches to dance on the forest floor below. Fireflies flitted about in the slight breeze, a stream sang quietly to itself nearby, and a wolf howled its loyalty to the moon somewhere off in the West. Yes, it was perfect; romantic, secluded, absolutely beautiful.

"Kagome." The voice, slightly hoarse, shattered the silence.

Too bad he was here to kill her.

"Kagome, I have to." He was pleading now, and dammit all, she was _not_ going to cry, not here, not now, not for him.

"Don't you see? This is our chance to be together, just like we always wanted…" he trailed off helplessly, then added, "It won't hurt," as a final, desperate bid. _Well_, _thank goodness for __**that**_, she thought callously. What was she supposed to do, bow down and say, 'Yes, by all means, kill me and use my soul- _my_ soul!- to resurrect your dead girlfriend. Oh, no worries- life was getting a tad boring anyway. By the way, Inuyasha, I love you with all my heart. Goodbye.'

Actually, that might not be a bad idea- add a bit of irony to their cookie-cutter happy ending. The worst part was, she reflected, that she actually didn't mind that much- because as much as she hated him right now, she still loved him more than life itself- ironically enough. Unrequited love also sucks, she told herself. But then, wasn't true love wanting that person to be happy, even if they weren't happy with _you_? No one ever told her that true love meant having to die a little more every time he went to see her, dreading each newly acquired jewel shard, trying to delay their travels as much as possible so that she could believe he loved her for just one more day.

"Have you ever died, Inuyasha?" Her voice is thin and tired, hanging weakly in the air between them, and she _hates _it, hates that he can still do this to her, but she loves him and she doesn't know how to stop, even if she wanted to, no matter what her mind tells her she _should_ feel.

"No." His reply is tired too, but in a different way. Tired of her? No, not exactly. Weary, that's it. He sounds weary, like someone who's been running so long he's forgotten how to stop and sit down and just_ rest_, even though he knows he'll run himself to death eventually.

"I have." She's not weary, just tired. Tired of fighting, tired of pretending, tired of living, tired of loving. So, _so_ tired. "I died a long time ago." She turns to face him and gives thanks to whoever's up there right now helping her keep her face devoid of emotion, because she is _not_ going to cry.

"I don't understand," he stammers, and she doesn't know it, but _God_ does she ever look like Kikyo right now, with her eyes dull and empty, her face devoid of emotion, but somehow inexplicably, indescribably sad.

"Of course you don't," she tells him, exhausted. "You never did." She allows him to consider this for a moment. "Being with Kikyo… this would make you happy?"

"Yes." He's not certain now, his conviction Is wavering, but he waited just a bit too long, and she's just a bit too tired to catch the hesitation in his voice, and really, it's just a bit too bad. Another time, another place… but it's not another time, or another place. It's here and now and too late for her, too late for him to fix his mistakes. There have been a lot of mistakes.

"Goodbye, Inuyasha." And she pulls out something shiny, and it makes a clicking noise as she presses the smaller end to her temple and puts her finger in a small metal loop.

"I love you."


End file.
